I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
