3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
