You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
