Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
