It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
