as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
