I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
