just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
