i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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