i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
