Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
