i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
