You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
