jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
