yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
