I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
