sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
