Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
