in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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