I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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