do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
