Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
