you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
