dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No stitches, just platelets and will power
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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