kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
These tits shall not be calmed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
