I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
