my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
