and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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