i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
