My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
