Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
