It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wear drunk well.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
