I'm lost and stupid without you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
