she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Girls should come with a carfax report
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
