he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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