Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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