glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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