I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
