she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
