You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
