im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
