Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
