he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
