You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
