thus making me awesome and them whores
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
