Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
