Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
