Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Couch. On fire.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
