I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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