Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
