she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
